This Black Jesus in the Metropolitan Cathedral in Mexico City is one of many that appear all over South America.
These statues are not related to the Black Madonnas of Europe; they are rather the result of a bit of marketing by the Jesuits after their success at replacing the mother-goddess Tonantzin with the Virgin of Guadalupe.
White Jesus modeled on Cesare Borgia?
The theory is that people were generally not too enthusiastic about the Catholic Church’s regular massacres of Jews and Muslims, because the people they were killing looked like Jesus. Pope Alexander VI then ordered the destruction of all art depicting a Semitic Jesus and commissioned a number of paintings depicting a Caucasian Jesus. His son, Cardinal Cesare Borgia, was the model for these paintings. Thus, the nastiest of all the Borgias, became the iconic Caucasian Jesus so loved by Christians today.
In 1995, GZA’s Liquid Swords album featured the solo track by Wu-Tang Clan affiliate, Killah Priest, ”B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth)”. The lyrics include the lines; “I even learnt Caucasians were really the Tribe of Edam, The white image, of Christ, is really Cesare Borgia”
![Did Jesus have a monobrow?
In order to establish what Jesus looked like, Christians usually refer to a letter written by the Governor of Jerusalem, Publius Lentulus.
“His hair is of the colour of the ripe hazel-nut, straight down to the ears, but below the ears wavy and curled, with a bluish and bright reflection, flowing over his shoulders. It is parted in two on the top of the head, after the pattern of the Nazarenes. His brow is smooth and very cheerful with a face without wrinkle or spot, embellished by a slightly reddish complexion. His nose and mouth are faultless. His beard is abundant, of the colour of his hair, not long, but divided at the chin.”
Very nice; except that there never was a Governor of Jerusalem and Valerius Gratus was the Roman Prefect of Judaea at the time. Lentulus Publius never existed and the letter was simply an Early Church hoax, likely derived from the works of the 1st century historian Josephus.
The Slavonic copy of Josephus’s ‘Capture of Jerusalem’ contains the following description of a man wanted by Pontius Pilate for claiming that he was the King of the Jews: “a man of simple appearance, mature age, dark skin, small stature, three cubits high, hunchbacked with a long face, long nose, and meeting eyebrows…with scanty hair with a parting in the middle of his head, after the manner of the Nazarites, and with an undeveloped beard.”
The image of a rather unatractive Jesus is provided by numerous other sources:
In the Coptic Acts of Paul and Thecla, Paul describes him as “a man small in size, bald-headed with eyebrows meeting, rather hook-nosed” (v.3)
In the Acts of Peter, Peter quotes a prophet who described Jesus “And we saw him and he had no beauty nor comeliness” (v. 24).
In the Acts of John, John says: “And oft-times he [Jesus] would appear to me as a small man and uncomely” (v. 89)
The monk Dionysius of Fourna in a ”Handbook of Painting”, specifies “beautiful eyebrows that meet” in the section entitled: “On the countenance and form of our Lord as we have learned it from those who have seen Him with their own eyes.”
An 8th century description of Christ is found in the works of St. John of Damascus, in his Epistola ad Theophilum include: “beautiful eyes, with eyebrows that meet”.
One of the Fathers of Christianity, Origen Adamantius, preserved some of the work of the Greek philosopher, Celsus, who described Jesus as “small and ugly and undistinguished.” Celsus is also possibly the source of the claim that Jesus’s father was a Roman soldier named Panthera.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyewtzLtyZ1qisa2ko1_r1_500.jpg)
Did Jesus have a monobrow?
In order to establish what Jesus looked like, Christians usually refer to a letter written by the Governor of Jerusalem, Publius Lentulus.
“His hair is of the colour of the ripe hazel-nut, straight down to the ears, but below the ears wavy and curled, with a bluish and bright reflection, flowing over his shoulders. It is parted in two on the top of the head, after the pattern of the Nazarenes. His brow is smooth and very cheerful with a face without wrinkle or spot, embellished by a slightly reddish complexion. His nose and mouth are faultless. His beard is abundant, of the colour of his hair, not long, but divided at the chin.”
Very nice; except that there never was a Governor of Jerusalem and Valerius Gratus was the Roman Prefect of Judaea at the time. Lentulus Publius never existed and the letter was simply an Early Church hoax, likely derived from the works of the 1st century historian Josephus.
The Slavonic copy of Josephus’s ‘Capture of Jerusalem’ contains the following description of a man wanted by Pontius Pilate for claiming that he was the King of the Jews: “a man of simple appearance, mature age, dark skin, small stature, three cubits high, hunchbacked with a long face, long nose, and meeting eyebrows…with scanty hair with a parting in the middle of his head, after the manner of the Nazarites, and with an undeveloped beard.”
The image of a rather unatractive Jesus is provided by numerous other sources:
Was Jesus a dwarf?
From a variety of sources we know that Jesus was small in stature; this in a time when the average male measured 5’1” and weighed 110 pounds.
The first century historian Josephus reports him being approximately 3 cubits tall (4 feet 6 inches).
The Gospel of Luke (19:3) describes Zaccheus’ attempt to see Jesus while he preached in a crowd: “And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and he could not for the crowd, because he was low of stature.” Luke may be referring to Zaccheus rather than Jesus, but the idea that Jesus was slight can be seen again in the Acts of John v. 90: “…I was afraid and cried out, and he, turning about, appeared as a man of small stature…”
The Qur’an records Jesus’s diminutive size in the story of the the night that the prophet Muhammad flies to Jerusalem on a winged horse to visit the prophets Abraham, Moses and Jesus; Jesus was the smaller of the three.
Ninja Jesus
Few people are aware of the fact that Jesus died in Japan aged 106, but 1900 year old documents discovered in Japan in 1935 purport to show that Jesus studied in Japan during his ‘Missing Years’, and then returned to live out his later years in northern Japan after the crucifixion. The documents include Jesus’s will, in which he asks that his brother’s tomb be situated alongside his. This tomb contains his brother’s ear and locks of the Virgin Mary’s hair which Jesus brought with him from Judea.
After being sentenced to die on the cross Jesus apparently switched places with his brother, Isukiri, who died in his place, while He fled with his disciples.
He travelled through Siberia and possibly Alaska, and according to the Mormons, Jesus also visited America, but eventually he arrived in the village of Herai where he changed his name to Daitenku Taro Jurai and became a farmer, married a local Japanese woman named Miyuko, and together they had three daughters. Although he didn’t perform any miracles during his time in Japan, Christ is said to have saved the villagers from starvation by travelling a great distance to get them food. He eventually died peacefully at the age of 106.
The name of the village, Herai (renamed Shingo in 1955), is said to be derived from the word Hebrai, meaning Hebrew in Japanese. Many local customs are suggestive of Christo-Judaic influence, including babies being marked with the sign of a cross upon their foreheads at birth as a symbol of good fortune, and again with a charcoal cross the first time they go outside. Other examples include wrapping new-born babies in cloth embroidered with the Star of David and an ancient song, the meaning of which has long been forgotten; that locals say is more suggestive of Hebrew than Japanese.
In 2004, the Israeli ambassador visited Shingo and donated a plaque. Resting between the tombs of Jesus and his brother, and inscribed in Hebrew, it reads, “This plaque is a gift from the city of Jerusalem, as a token of friendship between the State of Israel, the city of Jerusalem and Shingo.”
The descendants of Jesus are Buddhists and there is only one Christian family in town, so each year on May 3, when visitors dutifully assemble before the grave of Jesus to celebrate the “Christ Festival” a Shinto priest presides over the occasion and exorcises evil spirits before the dancing begins.
“Ecce Homo”
Fernando Botero - 1967
“Mystic Marriage of St Catherine”
Barna da Siena - c. 1340
This painting shows Jesus slipping the Holy Prepuce onto St Catherine’s finger.
St Catherine of Siena is one of the Jesus’s 76 virgin brides. During the mystical marriage Christ appears to his bride in a vision and presents her with a ring. This is followed by a ceremony where his mother, saints, and angels are present.
St Catherine was special, not only because she levitated and was bulimic and vomited up twigs, but because Jesus gave her His Holy Foreskin to wear on her finger instead of the usual gold ring.
“Betrayal of Christ” - Borghese D’Arpino - 1596
What was Jesus doing with a naked boy in the Garden of Gethsemane late at night?
The naked ‘certain young man’ is pictured on the left in this painting. Why was he naked? Why did Judas really kiss Jesus and why did the police raid the park? Inquiring minds want to know.
And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him:and he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked. - Mark 14:51-52 (KJV)
“Nazi but Nice”
Jake and Dinos Chapman - 2011 - White Cube, London
“I usually wear Prada”
“Solitamente vesto Prada” - Giuseppe Veneziano - 2011
This painting is an adaptation of the crucifixion scene by Guido Reni. Veneziano states that his art is a criticism of the Church as an institution. The bishop of Mazara del Vallo recently asked Giorgio Armani to design his robes.
“And there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” - Matthew 19:12
For the first 300 years of Christianity it was common for followers to castrate themselves “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”
In 325 the First Council of Nicaea promulgated twenty new church laws, called canons. The first of these stated that anyone who had castrated themselves could no longer be promoted to the clergy. This law was made because the Church was working hard to demonstrate the ‘manliness’ of Christianity within a traditional Roman framework, for the purpose of attracting converts from the male aristocracy, and self-castration did not support that agenda.
With hindsight, if they had not discontinued this practice, hundreds of thousands of children over the centuries would not have been raped by priests.
Ironically church leaders would later use Matthew 19:12 to justify castrating children for use in church choirs (see here, here, here & here)
Tertullian is the only Early Christian writer who mentions that Jesus was a eunuch.
The rings of Saturn are the Holy Foreskin of Jesus.
A few theologians argued that all the Holy Foreskins necessarily had to be frauds since, they asserted, Jesus had taken the actual Holy Prepuce with him to heaven when he ascended.
During the late 17th century, Catholic scholar and theologian Leo Allatius (Allacci Leone ) published the treatise De Praeputio Domini Nostri Jesu Christi Diatriba (“Discussion concerning the Prepuce of our Lord Jesus Christ”) in which he proposed that the Holy Foreskin had ascended into heaven at the same time as Jesus, and had become the recently observed rings of Saturn.
Perhaps we will see Allatius’s brilliant work added to the Creationism syllabus in American schools.
Art source: ‘Saturn’ from the medieval Book of Hours
